Last night I had a couple of dreams that seemed to cover the same material. First I was in church and the pastor told everyone to come get more materials. We have some gospel of John books that we just started giving away. I felt embarrassed that I hadn’t given any away and it was already Sunday again. So I went up for some courtesy materials, just because they asked. There were 6 different paper handouts up there but none of what I was looking for. So I just grabbed one and said hi to the pastor and as I did I noticed that I wasn’t wearing a shirt. When I went back to my seat I asked my wife for a shirt and she had a few there for me to choose from and I put my shirt on and sat down for church.
Then this dream changed into a new dream sort of, and I found myself delivering food like I used to. I pulled up at a senior center or gym or jail some kind of facility in a minivan and I had part of the order. So I unloaded and waited for the 18 wheeler of food to arrive. When it did I got in but everything was pretty disorganized. I found part of the order but I couldn’t find the paperwork to even know if I had it all. I kept finding things for several different Taco Bell orders and I found things labeled for other places but the stuff for this local facility was hard to find. So I went to the truck to see if the driver had more information. There were 3 drivers and they were all on the phone. They each had laundry detergent in a grocery bag in one hand, gain laundry detergent. They just walked around talking to people on the phone with no time for the customer or me.
To me each of these deals with an aspect of my uncertainty in life right now. At the end of one thing and the beginning of another with just a few months left to find out what’s next. I don’t have any clue what’s next and though I’m going to walk through it with faith that God is going to show me what’s next, I don’t know yet. Do I go into ministry or business or both? What kind of business or ministry would I even go into? I don’t really feel good at anything or qualified to do anything and it doesn’t appear that my master’s degree is going to change that. I’m almost 40 and I have no idea what to do with my life. I tried playing poker but God pulled the rug out from under that plan. I tried driving trucks but God pulled the rug out from under that plan too. All of my plans fail and I don’t know what to do with my life.
Sound familiar? Well both of these dreams seem to work together to point out that condition in me. It’s a deep rooted struggle in my life and it has been for a very long time. But guess what I know at dang near 40 that I didn’t know when I was younger? I know that when the time comes for me to know something, God will reveal it. If I just don’t make a plan of my own and let God lead me, He will.
Last night my wife asked my son to help me grill. So I went to start the grill planning on letting him do it and learn the process. But instead he went and grabbed the burger patties and brought them outside. I sent him back in to keep them away from the animals and he was so offended at my plan that he didn’t come back to help. This is what it’s like when we make our own plans instead of just going where God goes and doing what He does. He wants to show us how things work but we keep focussing on what we think is most important. When that turns out to be wrong we get offended at God and go do something else right? Maybe I’m the only one who has ever done this…
It’s normal to not know what to do. It is normal! Abraham didn’t know what to do, he was sent to somewhere and had no clue where. Look any hero of faith, they have no clue what’s next and then boom God points the way. Many people are derailed by the more commonly addressed issue of not doing what they’re told to do by God. But I think that many more are derailed in the walk of faith, but not waiting on instructions and following our own notion of what should be happening.
I pray that we would all embrace the uncertainty of the times in which we live! How could any of us have a decent plan? What mattered last year, is gone this year and what matters this year will be so trivial next year. We can’t afford to miss God’s plan for our lives by making our own. May God release us from our own plans! May we walk in faith realms, not knowing what’s next only having enough light for a section of the path. May God release us from our notions of what should be and teach us our small part of what is. May you be favored with the faith that moves mountains in His timing and at His leading and not cursed with the need to control the mountain’s destruction. May you grow in your ability to not know, to not understand but to keep going without knowing. Blessed are those who believe and have not seen! May the grace of God lead you, the Holy Spirit guide you and the Lord Jesus teach you how and may God bless all y’all.
Practice Outlaw 